Different views on an ordinary life.
So some of you may be aware, since I posted on facebook, that there is a faint purple butt print on the toilet seat in the main bathroom of my house. Since everyone uses this toilet there is no clear way to find the perpetrator. Nor has there yet been found a way to remove said butt print. This problem is taking up more space in my brain castle than it should. Here’s why:
0.) How in the fuck did someone’s butt have enough purple on it to transmit that essence of purple onto a toilet? Would we not have noticed a purple butted member of the household? No, you might say. People’s butts are private. Haha, I’d say. Come to a house with two boys in it. Butts abound (abind? Tricky there).
1.) Organic chemistry. Solvents, I like them. I consider it a matter of virtue to apply the principles of chemistry, organic or otherwise, to cleaning. Like obviously I’m going to be trying some aromatic hydrocarbons, blended perhaps, but also with my unknown butt print I should investigate acid/alkali properties of cleaning.
10.) What other explanations could there be for the butt print? Maybe a poltergeist or a new infection affecting inanimate objects or a tear in the time/space continuum that somehow gave me an essence of flamboyant toilet from another era? Like not enough to convert the toilet completely into lavender with flowers painted on but just enough to send a faintly empurpled butt shaped design? I guess that would be less of a tear and more of a time/space abrasion.
11.) Overall I like explanations for things and also I like things that I can influence with my iron will. This butt print is fulfilling neither of those conditions. It is unexplained and unassailable. Unyielding, even.
So anyway this is causing more stress than it should be, if occasional musings and testing of cleaning hypotheses could be called stress. Also I lost some skin on my wrist from a fairly aggressive combination of ketones. If anyone has ideas I’m open for sure. I believe in science and it’s failing me, which hurts inside my soul. My soul (whisper that last part).
Susan- I’ve loved reading this. I’m glad you are blogging again.
As for the purple butt print- have you considered that the white paint is just rubbing off (off course, from all of the butts) and the color beneath is purple? Because, I’m not going to lie to you- on a certain number of toilet seats in my time – and there have been far too many- I too have seen faint purple-ness. Just a thought.
You may be on to something. It feels like giving up to just get a new one though, like I MUST BANISH THE PURPLE. That’s on me, though.