Fail Tale

Goddammit. I have these moments when I just fail, parentally speaking. Like epically, royally fail. It often has to do with the lack of filter between my mouth and brain, which I can occasionally snap into place but with my elder son it’s getting harder and harder because he’s just at that age where everything is funny. Like haha, you-said-wood funny. With my younger son it’s less sophisticated, like “You said nuts!! You said nuts!!HahahahshrieksnortshriekNUTTTTTSSSSS!11!!!!1!”

So I have some kind of rabies right now, seems to be focused in lungs and snot creating areas. Many many patients came into the ED last week with this particular rabies, even though it is not an emergency. That’s fine, people have different motivations and we don’t know their lives. But now it has been passed on to me, which I deeply resent. Part of the health care life, you say. Coughsneezeowwwfuuuuucckk, I say. Also my kids had it but it seemed really minor in them so maybe something different.

Back to the fail: So in spite of my excellence in self care, which mainly involves nothing really except one hot bath, this virus has amplified itself into a morphed version of a cold. My throat is sore, like really sore. Hurts to swallow my own spit, which is just a sad state to be in.

I was driving my sons to football practice tonight, because that’s what we do in our family (SPORTSING! DO THE SPORTS!), and I was describing to my older son how much I am suffering in my oropharynx. I coughed, which really hurts. Then I said (and here’s the fail, if you weren’t picking up on the set up and timing of it all, which makes you maybe someone who could work on that), “Dammit, it feels like I’m deep throating an alligator every time I cough.”

Then I just got really quiet, because I was hoping he hadn’t heard. Because my voice has been stabbed and injured by MorphVirusRabies which makes it less understandable. But nope. He looked at me and said, “Mom I can’t believe you said that” (while snortlaughing).

I said, “If you tell your friends I will cut you while you sleep.” <——–Maybe not an improvement, parenting-wise.