Vow Wow

Crap. So apparently I’m getting married in a very short time, like maybe eleven days from now, and I have executed no planning at all. Well we did go to the courthouse to get the license but that is all of the foresight we’ve had. What am I going to wear? The kids? Crap. The LOCATION? Son of a bitch. I would say this is a fairly epic fail on my part, and somehow it’s related to being female, because aren’t we supposed to want lace and shit? I do not want lace. Fuck gender constructs.

All of this makes it sound like I am either unexcited to get married, or unenthused, or not into it. None of those things is true; for me, the ceremony holds far less meaning than the day to day life we create together. That’s where I find the joy–the actual ceremony seems separated from reality, and I’m a strong proponent of reality. But I still feel some obligation to the event, more to prevent future regret than to feel maritally fulfilled (that phrase seems like it could be a 1950’s euphemism for sexy sex). Haha now I want to rephrase. But I won’t, I’ll suffer the public shame for now. It’s already causing me some degree of existential pain to have shared so much personal shit so let’s just lean into it.

Anyway, it’s going to be cold so I’ll probably have to wear fleecy yoga pants. And boots. And a hat. No reason to hop completely out of character, I don’t think.

Dammit we should have taken our neighbor up on her offer to marry us in the driveway after she got ordained for her brother’s wedding.

Oh, by the way, I’m getting married. Might not have mentioned it recently. Not so great with the sharing.