United We Stand

Well we did it. It actually ended up to be the perfect day. Six kids, us, and Ann the out of control officiant. In the last post I was suffering from her flowery and barfy ceremony language. I edited it aggressively and sent it back with an email saying, “Nice ceremony, not for us though. We are much to reserved for that. I edited it.” She emailed me back: “Great! I’ll look at the new format later. We can be a bit impromptu from there!” Then later: “I see what you’re going for. This will be a great place to start, we can adlib from here!” At this point she was nearly canned; I had a friend standing by for last minute ordination. Ordainment? Whatever, so not the point. I decided to collaborate rather than commit homicide, and emailed back, “Let’s stick to the written ceremony. I would really rather keep it simple. You’re out of control.” Maybe not that last sentence but I was thinking it for sure. I was offended at this point by her inability to hear what I was saying, and her insistence that things be fucking weird.

The kids baked a cake, the best cake ever baked (<—-Dr. Seuss channeled there). It was purple zebra and camouflage, decorated with mustaches and green sparkle letters. I believe the words “Wedding” and “Yeet” were written upon it. Oh, yes, and “Love on Fleek.” Pictures:

 

I’m not sure why those photos are conjoined but it seems best that we try not to separate them.

Prior to eating this awesome cake, we got married:

That’s Bill being consumed by my hair.

Prior to this public display of affection, we hung out and commemorated our last moments as just the three of us:

During this piece of the photo shoot, I expended great amounts of energy trying to get earbuds out of ears and normal faces to be made. Hence my wrathful smile. I was pinching them both.

After the Smooch, we symbolically lit fires with other fires. Really it was just a chance for Bill to make torches and for the kids to use torches.

When Ann the Outlandish Officiant asked for the rings, I quietly intoned, “Cast it into the fire!” Just to Bill. I couldn’t not do it. I tried valiantly but lost the struggle. I mean, fire ceremony plus rings. Like anyone else wouldn’t have done the same.

So then we were all married. My niece and nephew and Emma’s sister also joined us.That’s right, six kids. Note that Emma’s sister is dressed in full wedding regalia with wings and a basket of petals. It was her second dream (first is to fly).

 

After all this, we went out to eat.

All in all it was a perfect day. No stress, exactly the right people around, and good food.

Ann the Flowery did say, Susan take Bill’s hands. These vibrant strong hands…I snickered because vibrant strong hands. Also just after that she said passionate love. Good lord, Ann, way to make it dirty. I maintained my cool but still there was a moment of internal snicker. Whereupon my kid took a snapshot so I have it commemorated but I’m not sharing my immaturity publicly. I mean, I just did but you just have to imagine it not see it for real. Then I was all, what about my vibrant strong hands? But no, my hands were young and carefree. That’s bullshit. My hands are lethal weapons we all know that.