You’re Doing It Wrong

So one thing about me is that I am remarkably uncool. For real, like it is of note. I mean I’m sure I’m cool in some ways but I’m not aware of them and mostly the obvious ways of being cool are a miserable fail for me. Not on purpose, it’s just a bit of out-of-sync-ness with the world at large.

You know how people always say things like, “Remember in *insert movie, tv show, or commercial* this thing happened?” Or they make references to things that most people know about? Well that’s pretty much a guarantee that I will suddenly become an outsider to the conversation and have no idea what the fuck is happening. Seriously. I’ve taken to telling people that I know well enough (as soon as they start the pop culture reference thing) that the answer to that question will always be no. Just no. Like I actually say that: “Just so you know the answer to that question will basically always be no for me.” I have varying degrees of success with people accepting that. And I’m ok with it, it’s how I’ve always been but now I’m just out with it instead of trying to act like I get it. Very freeing. Also sometimes isolating but that’s a different theme for a different day.

The other month we had a patient whose body style was of note as a possible risk factor for a few things.  He was quite heavy with a very enabling mother, and the consensus was that maybe some encouragement in the independence department was needed. One of the nurses stated that he thinks it is a parent’s job to have the difficult conversations, not just coddle.

I was all, “Yeah, instead she’s like, ‘Hercules! Hercules!'” Which, if you need assistance, is a reference to a funny scene in The Nutty Professor, one of Eddie Murphy’s mediocre works. They both cracked up because that’s how it is in the ED, we vent soul steam so we don’t die under the weight of humanity’s worst burdens. I was quite pleased with myself, because a pop culture reference by me is like maybe a once a year success. Unfortunately instead of playing it cool, I crapped all over it.

“That was hilarious. You know, Nutty Professor? Hahahahaha that was so funny. Get it, HerculesHerculesdorkdorkdorkdork?”

I can’t even describe how much I just dorked it all up. I mean, I had had a great moment! It was conventional! And funny in a widely-accessible way to most people! And it belonged! He ate neatly!<——For those of you who are not awesome that was a reference to the children’s book Leo the Late Bloomer. There are like three people who will get that but it’s totally funny, I swear.

*note to self: increase occurrences of funny things that neither have to be pointed out as funny nor directed at only one or two people*

But then I destroyed the tiny bit of belongingness and current awareness-ness I had created. It was like, “Cool! Cool! Funny! Awesome! Oh.” Which is a little bit sad but mostly also funny, and basically the status quo for me minus the initial cool part so I’m just carrying on.